Gone Away
by Kris6
Summary: When Spencer and Ashley break up, everything goes to pieces. Dark


Gone Away  
Disclaimer: I wish  
Rating: R-ish, language, themes and graphic (self) violence  
Summary: When Spencer and Ashley break up, everything goes to pieces. Dark  
A/N: This won't end in hugs and puppies. You've been warned.  
A/N2: Flashbacks in italics, lyrics in bold.

A/N3: Song is The Offspring's 'Gone Away'

**Maybe in another life  
I could find you there  
Pulled away before your time  
I can't deal, it's so unfair**

_Ashley was staring at the blonde girl, dumbstruck by what she was hearing. "You don't want to be with me anymore?" She asked, trying to make sure she was understanding correctly.  
Spencer nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry Ash, I really am…I just…I can't do this anymore," she affirmed, not looking the shorter girl in the eyes as she did so.  
"You what?" Ashley shouted, angry at the excuse. "What exactly can't you do Spence?" She questioned harshly.  
At the other girl's tone, Spencer shot her head up and looked at the older teen. "Any of it. This whole gay thing is not right Ash. My mom said-"  
"How did I know it was going to end up being about her?" Ashley scoffed rhetorically.  
Spencer set her jaw and glared at her, now, ex-girlfriend. "Just because your mother doesn't care about you is no reason to get upset about me actually having a relationship with mine," she spat out spitefully.  
In a blind rage, Ashley lashed out and slapped the younger girl across the cheek, leaving an angry red mark on the girl's pale skin. She instantly regretted it, but was less than willing to admit fault, seeing as how it was somewhat justified. "Get out," she growled, looking through the blonde and at the wall behind her. Spencer did just that in a stunned silence._

**And it feels, and it feels like  
Heaven's so far away  
And it feels, yeah it feels like  
The world has grown cold  
Now that you've gone away**

This was how Ashley had spent her afternoon. After having a seemingly pleasant day with the girl she loved, it wound up being one of the worst of her life. Once she made Spencer leave, she had locked the door, leaned her back against it and let herself slide down to the floor.  
Eventually, she had fallen asleep only to awaken several hours later and with serious neck pain. Unfortunately, the pain in her neck was nothing compared to the pain she felt from her actions and her loss. Four hours without Spencer proved to be more painful than she could have ever imagined. Every second seemed to shred her heart more and more.  
The moment Spencer told her it was over between them, she knew she was personally doomed. The one thing that could ever make her happy in life had left her to chase the great American heterosexual dream, presumably with Aiden. The thought of that alone made her want to vomit.  
For what reason did she have to live now?

**Leaving flowers on your grave  
To show that I still care  
But black roses and Hail Mary's  
Can't bring back what's taken from me**

Briefly, Ashley thought about calling Spencer to apologize. She stared at her cell phone in deep consternation and thought about calling to talk to someone, anyone, about how badly she felt right now. Maybe it would help, but she seriously doubted it. No one ever seemed to take her problems seriously anymore anyway. She was the girl who cried wolf.  
She gave up on trying to call anyone, least of all Spencer. After all, the blonde left her and now she was no longer a viable option to call for help. That privilege was forfeited mere hours ago. There was only one real option left for her now and it was sitting in the medicine cabinet behind the Advil and her mom's Xanax.

**I reach to the sky  
And call out your name  
And if I could trade  
I would**

Ashley drug herself back to her feet, groaning from the sudden release from the crouched position. She turned around and opened the door to her room. As she began her trek to the bathroom, she began to second guess herself and wonder if what she was doing was at all a good idea.  
These thoughts were fleeting, especially as she walked into the dramatically lavish bathroom and saw her hollowed out expression in the mirror. She closed her eyes to the sight long enough to open the medicine cabinet.  
Standing on her tip-toes, Ashley looked and rooted through the miscellaneous items on the clear glass shelves. In a small, clear plastic box, she found what she had been looking for: a shiny new razor blade.  
Then, she allowed the door to the medicine cabinet to swing shut with a resounding click that seemed to echo throughout the expansive room. Once again faced with her own reflection, she shook her head and wondered what Spencer ever saw in her to begin with.

**And it feels, and it feels like  
Heaven's so far away  
And it stings, yeah it stings now  
The world is so cold  
Now that you've gone away**

Ashley set the tool on the counter and sat down on the lid of the toilet and began to painstakingly roll up the sleeves of her shirt. She was careful about neatly folding it up as she went and made sure they were rolled up to the same point in her arm, just above the joint in her elbows. She saw no sense in doing a sloppy job.  
She then turned them over to stare at her forearms to mentally map out the veins she wanted to follow. Once satisfied, her attention turned once again to the object patiently awaiting her attention. Never to deny her attention to anyone or anything, she picked it up with her left hand.

**Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah...**

Ashley had the weapon poised centimeters above the flawless skin of her right forearm. Before making contact, she ran her extended pinkie finger along the tendon so as to make a mental note of its position. She couldn't expect to be able to cut open the left one if she cut the tendon, now could she?  
Bending her palm back to make the intended area taut, she rested the pointed corner of the blade about an inch below the rings around her wrist. It was a little off center so that she could avoid the tendon and follow a main artery. She always heard it was faster to follow an artery rather than a vein.  
She applied slight pressure to the tip of the blade until a small bead of blood began to form around it. Then she began to lower the rest of the object onto her forearm, slowly waiting until a line of blood formed at the area of contact before lowering it further.  
Ashley watched the red liquid form a thick line around the base of the blade before gliding the blood-lubricated razor along the line of the artery and cleanly slicing the skin beneath it. She pulled away just over an inch from the inside of the elbow. There was too much pressure needing to be applied at this fleshy part of her arm.  
**  
I reach to the sky  
And call out your name  
Oh please let me trade  
I would**

After a moment of watching the blood drip lazily from her right arm, she turned her attention to the left arm and began to repeat the process. She felt her eyelids getting heavy and she knew she had to hurry before she lost consciousness.  
However, in her dazed hurry, her right hand slipped due to the speed and her palm being slick with her own blood. She yelped at she severed the tendon in her arm and it went completely limp and fell to her side.  
It was a moot point though, the deed had already been done and she began to sink down on the lid of the toilet seat before sliding right off and onto the floor of the bathroom. She lay there on her stomach and looked directly at her half-dead left arm laid out in front of her face and watched the blood pour freely from it, staining the white tiled floors. She wondered how pissed her mom was going to be at the mess she made.  
The thought dissipated as there was a tentative knock on the door of the bathroom. She then questions on whether or not she locked the door before going in. Her memory has become as hazy as her vision as the door opens.

**And it feels, and it feels like  
Heaven's so far away  
And it feels, yeah it feels like  
The world has grown cold  
Now that you've gone away**

There was a gasp from the doorway as Ashley sees a fuzzy blonde figure timidly open the door and see the sight in front of her. The figure approached and Ashley wondered why everything appeared so askew, forgetting that she was laying on the floor.  
The blonde figure kneeled down in the pool of blood by Ashley and lefted her head up to cradle it in her lap.  
"Oh Ash. What have I done?" Came the melodic voice of the girl beside her.  
"Spence?" Ashley slurred as she squinted her eyes at the new arrival.  
"Yeah, I'm here," Spencer choked out tearfully.  
The last thing Ashley heard before blacking out was a muffled sob. Her body went completely limp in the younger girl's arms and Spencer pulled the older girl to her as she let out a final, tortured cry.  
"Ashley!" She sobbed into the lifeless body in her arms.

**Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah...**

Note: This is probably going to have a second part from Spencer's point of view.


End file.
